In fact, I dated and dated, I became curious and open to different people. I was dating without intent because I didn’t even know what I wanted or who I am. After 3 or 4 months I got frustrated and slowed down, I spent more evenings by myself, dealing with my feelings and sometimes just crying it out while listening to Bon Iver. I practiced yoga, read self-development books and attempted meditation.
Then I had this moment and a sudden epiphany, I booked a solo trip to Spain. After spending months getting comfortable in my own presence I thought what better way to get even more comfortable than travelling alone.
I didn’t even question myself, I gathered all my stuff and was ready and excited to take this journey. After being back the whole trip seems surreal, I have flashbacks to sipping presecco on the beach, walking through villages, meeting the locals but most of all I think back to how free and open I felt.
It’s as if all the chatter in my head was gone, you just live in the moment and take it for what it is. I built connections with so many people, shared the most intimate parts of my life with them and even cuddled with strangers. I realized how fluid I was, I never felt so comfortable walking the streets of Spain. It really felt like my home for the time being.
After returning home, It’s as if everything has more meaning, I notice more detail and things around me seem fascinating. I went for coffee with a few friends and I was totally present and engaged they way I was when I was travelling. This purpose of this trip was to explore myself and my interests that I put on hold for awhile. Most of all it was an eye opener, it made me question and ask myself how I ever struggled with anything up until now.
There’s something really empowering travelling alone ,taking that time to be by yourself and work on putting the pieces together. I have realized that it’s ok to explore our own shadows and I know that coming out of the other side will be a whole new person with new love, strength and hope.